1 00:00:55,054 --> 00:00:57,296 Hey, kid, glum up. How bad can it be? 2 00:00:57,515 --> 00:01:00,089 Pretty bad, Addison. We need a case. 3 00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:03,852 Of what? Relax, it's almost the weekend. 4 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:06,348 Besides, great cases aren't born, they're made. 5 00:01:06,525 --> 00:01:09,859 Right now, some bank teller is thinking about the big grab. 6 00:01:10,029 --> 00:01:12,698 Some frustrated housewife is staring at a steak knife... 7 00:01:12,865 --> 00:01:15,107 ...contemplating her husband Harvey's clavicle. 8 00:01:15,284 --> 00:01:18,120 Some poor relation is thinking of Uncle Stanford's millions. 9 00:01:18,288 --> 00:01:21,040 Doctor said he'd be dead in three months, four years ago. 10 00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:22,828 Our case is out there. 11 00:01:23,001 --> 00:01:25,457 - It's just fermenting. - You sound so certain. 12 00:01:25,629 --> 00:01:27,538 I am so certain. Even as we speak... 13 00:01:27,715 --> 00:01:30,918 ...a spurned lover of some lustful lad is picking up a revolver... 14 00:01:31,093 --> 00:01:33,216 ...pointing it at her former beloved's brain. 15 00:01:33,387 --> 00:01:36,757 He turns, sees his mistress, sees the gun, there's a scream! 16 00:01:37,559 --> 00:01:40,429 - Addison! - Not bad. 17 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,896 She was sitting there, asking for words that rhyme with "detective. " 18 00:01:45,067 --> 00:01:47,985 The mail came, she started to open it, and then she screamed. 19 00:01:48,153 --> 00:01:50,859 - Did anyone suggest "effective"? - Addison. 20 00:01:51,032 --> 00:01:54,365 - Miss DiPesto? - Agnes? 21 00:01:55,578 --> 00:01:57,286 - It's from him! - Him? 22 00:01:57,455 --> 00:01:59,247 Doesn't he do the burning bush thing? 23 00:01:59,416 --> 00:02:01,824 - Not Him. - Him, J.B. Harland. 24 00:02:02,002 --> 00:02:03,330 That him. Who's that? 25 00:02:03,504 --> 00:02:05,331 The only J.B. Harland I know is the mystery writer. 26 00:02:05,506 --> 00:02:07,415 - That's the one! - Well, what does it say? 27 00:02:07,591 --> 00:02:09,584 - I don't know. - Just a shot in the dark... 28 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,670 ...but opening the envelope may tell you. 29 00:02:11,846 --> 00:02:14,053 Of course. You're right. 30 00:02:16,685 --> 00:02:19,140 "J.B. Harland invites you to a murder. " 31 00:02:19,354 --> 00:02:21,596 - I don't believe it, I won! - You won? 32 00:02:21,773 --> 00:02:23,351 - I won! - That's wonderful. 33 00:02:23,525 --> 00:02:24,901 - What did you win? - A contest! 34 00:02:25,069 --> 00:02:26,943 Oh, there's so much to do! 35 00:02:27,113 --> 00:02:29,865 I gotta pack. I've gotta get my hair done. 36 00:02:30,032 --> 00:02:32,571 J.B. Harland, the greatest mystery writer of all time. 37 00:02:32,744 --> 00:02:34,535 I'm gonna spend the weekend with him. 38 00:02:34,746 --> 00:02:39,408 - Miss DiPesto, in mixed company? - It's not like that. It's better than that. 39 00:02:39,585 --> 00:02:40,913 Better than that? 40 00:02:41,086 --> 00:02:42,996 - Better! - J.B. Harland. I know who he is. 41 00:02:43,172 --> 00:02:46,755 - He writes Inspector Doughnut books. - That's " Inspector Dumais. " 42 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:50,552 Me, Miss Agnes DiPesto... 43 00:02:50,722 --> 00:02:54,589 ...and J.B. Harland. 44 00:02:54,768 --> 00:02:57,473 - Explain this later? - Only if she explains it to me now. 45 00:02:57,646 --> 00:03:01,976 I've been invited aboard the Murder Train. J.B. Harland's Murder Train. 46 00:03:02,151 --> 00:03:03,693 He does it every year. 47 00:03:03,861 --> 00:03:05,854 He and four of his closest friends... 48 00:03:06,030 --> 00:03:10,028 ...and the winner of the Murder Mystery Magazine's essay contest... 49 00:03:10,201 --> 00:03:13,452 ...spend exactly 24 hours aboard a train bound for nowhere. 50 00:03:13,830 --> 00:03:16,748 Sometime during the trip, a murder will occur. 51 00:03:16,917 --> 00:03:18,744 Beats the hell out of my weekend plans. 52 00:03:19,128 --> 00:03:20,871 The invitation was lost in the mail. 53 00:03:21,046 --> 00:03:23,964 - The trip is tomorrow. - Go, if you have things to do. 54 00:03:24,133 --> 00:03:28,261 This is a hubbub of activity here, but we'll find a way to survive without you. 55 00:03:28,429 --> 00:03:29,805 Thanks. 56 00:03:29,973 --> 00:03:31,467 You guys... 57 00:03:31,641 --> 00:03:33,100 ...are great. 58 00:03:33,268 --> 00:03:36,222 In fact, you're better than great. You're great-great. 59 00:03:36,396 --> 00:03:37,974 We think you're great-great too. 60 00:03:38,148 --> 00:03:40,141 - Great-great? - Bye-bye. 61 00:03:40,317 --> 00:03:42,394 - Ta-ta. - Ta-ta. 62 00:03:44,530 --> 00:03:47,864 I feel funny asking, but since I don't know where the train's going... 63 00:03:48,034 --> 00:03:50,525 ...and I don't want to leave my car at the station- 64 00:03:50,704 --> 00:03:52,696 Maddie will be glad to drive you there. 65 00:03:52,873 --> 00:03:56,324 - It's Saturday night, I have plans. - Haven't you heard of midnight Mass? 66 00:03:56,502 --> 00:03:59,918 We'll be back in time. We'll both take you down there. 67 00:04:00,131 --> 00:04:04,045 Me luck is on the rise. I'd listen as fate cries. 68 00:04:04,218 --> 00:04:06,341 The time is here, so give a cheer. 69 00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:09,348 DiPesto won a prize. 70 00:04:10,267 --> 00:04:12,888 - Great-great. - So-so. 71 00:04:21,821 --> 00:04:24,394 Boy, this is really exciting. Union Station. 72 00:04:24,574 --> 00:04:26,614 The last time I was in a train station... 73 00:04:26,785 --> 00:04:28,658 ...I was taking a train. Life's crazy. 74 00:04:28,828 --> 00:04:30,157 You really are excited. 75 00:04:30,330 --> 00:04:33,830 I'm really proud of you, getting your essay picked out by J.B. Harland. 76 00:04:34,001 --> 00:04:35,329 What did you write about? 77 00:04:35,502 --> 00:04:38,457 Why J.B. Harland is the greatest mystery writer of all time. 78 00:04:38,631 --> 00:04:41,881 - Gutty choice. - A five-page essay and my picture. 79 00:04:42,051 --> 00:04:43,795 - A picture? - Yeah. 80 00:04:43,970 --> 00:04:45,963 I sent him a picture of me at the office. 81 00:04:46,139 --> 00:04:49,259 I thought maybe if he saw that I work at a detective agency- 82 00:04:49,434 --> 00:04:52,139 - Obviously, you thought right. - I can't believe it. 83 00:04:53,105 --> 00:04:54,516 It's like Cinderella. 84 00:04:54,690 --> 00:04:57,442 I think that makes you and me mice. 85 00:04:57,610 --> 00:05:01,061 - What track are we looking for? - Let's see. 86 00:05:03,783 --> 00:05:06,453 It just says "The J.B. Harland Murder Train. " 87 00:05:06,620 --> 00:05:08,826 I'll go check the schedule. 88 00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:14,206 - Who are the glad rags for? - You speaking to me? 89 00:05:14,378 --> 00:05:16,786 No, I'm speaking to this bum over here. 90 00:05:16,964 --> 00:05:18,293 Hot date? 91 00:05:18,466 --> 00:05:20,459 It depends on what you consider a hot date. 92 00:05:20,635 --> 00:05:22,841 Can he eat without you cutting his food up first? 93 00:05:23,012 --> 00:05:25,468 I didn't come here to talk about my private life. 94 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,891 I came here to see a friend off and get a lift to the theatre. 95 00:05:29,061 --> 00:05:32,975 The theatre. Let me guess, this guy got you fifth-row-centre tickets for Cats. 96 00:05:33,149 --> 00:05:35,722 He's got an in backstage. After the show, you can... 97 00:05:35,902 --> 00:05:38,737 ...scratch the cats' ears while they cough up fur balls. 98 00:05:38,905 --> 00:05:42,321 Why couldn't you just say, " I hope you have a nice time"? 99 00:05:42,492 --> 00:05:45,826 - I hope you have a nice time. - Thank you. 100 00:05:45,996 --> 00:05:47,989 Whatever curdles your cream. 101 00:05:48,207 --> 00:05:51,161 It's a private train, track 29. 102 00:05:51,335 --> 00:05:52,664 - Terrific. - Terrific. 103 00:05:52,837 --> 00:05:54,664 Terrific! 104 00:06:04,766 --> 00:06:06,759 Carpeting on the walls. 105 00:06:06,935 --> 00:06:09,473 Must be tough to vacuum. 106 00:06:13,025 --> 00:06:16,858 " Dear Miss DiPesto, welcome to J.B. Harland's Murder Train. 107 00:06:17,030 --> 00:06:19,319 I am pleased to have you as my special guest... 108 00:06:19,491 --> 00:06:21,898 ...and look forward to making your acquaintance. 109 00:06:22,369 --> 00:06:24,326 Here's to a good mystery. 110 00:06:24,496 --> 00:06:28,115 Your humble servant, J.B. Harland. " 111 00:06:28,292 --> 00:06:30,498 It's almost more than I can stand. 112 00:06:30,669 --> 00:06:34,003 - How exactly does this game work? - I'm not really sure. 113 00:06:34,173 --> 00:06:36,415 This group gets together once a year... 114 00:06:36,593 --> 00:06:39,547 ...and they race to solve a mystery designed by J.B. Harland. 115 00:06:39,721 --> 00:06:42,675 - If you solve it, you win. - Where's the rest of the group? 116 00:06:42,849 --> 00:06:44,474 Maybe that's part of the mystery. 117 00:06:44,685 --> 00:06:46,512 That's what the whole thing is about. 118 00:06:46,687 --> 00:06:50,139 You never really know what's going on. 119 00:06:50,316 --> 00:06:53,519 Maybe I should get a head start and scout out the place. 120 00:06:53,695 --> 00:06:55,604 Thank you for helping me with my stuff. 121 00:06:55,780 --> 00:06:58,900 - I couldn't have done it alone. - We wouldn't leave you stuffless. 122 00:06:59,284 --> 00:07:02,570 - Have a terrific time. - I think I will. 123 00:07:06,584 --> 00:07:09,751 Gotta admit, pretty plush. 124 00:07:09,921 --> 00:07:12,328 Bet you the whole damn train goes condo in a year. 125 00:07:13,591 --> 00:07:16,082 - Addison? - All right, all right, all right. 126 00:07:16,261 --> 00:07:19,013 I'm just gonna look around a little bit. 127 00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:23,935 Pretty classy. Personal head. 128 00:07:25,271 --> 00:07:27,643 - Elegant button. - What are you doing? 129 00:07:27,857 --> 00:07:29,435 I want to see how these work. 130 00:07:29,609 --> 00:07:31,566 - Why? - Because it's there. 131 00:07:31,736 --> 00:07:34,406 Isn't that a line from Mountains and Three-Minute Miles? 132 00:07:35,156 --> 00:07:37,826 - I'm gonna tell you something. - Miracle of miracles. 133 00:07:37,993 --> 00:07:41,825 Remember that blackout in 1965, the East Coast blacked out for a night? 134 00:07:42,039 --> 00:07:44,447 Well, I never told anybody this, but I caused that. 135 00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:46,042 Why aren't I surprised? 136 00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:48,701 The whole time I was growing up, my mom told me: 137 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:53,174 " David, turn your lights out. There are children in China who are in the dark. " 138 00:07:53,343 --> 00:07:55,834 And the whole time, I never turned them out. 139 00:07:56,012 --> 00:07:57,721 There's a rebel in me, I admit it. 140 00:07:57,889 --> 00:08:00,677 One day, I'm over at my friend's house, and I'm thinking: 141 00:08:00,851 --> 00:08:03,556 " I got to get home before my mom gets home from work. " 142 00:08:03,729 --> 00:08:06,137 Dangerous guy that I am, I left the lights on. 143 00:08:06,315 --> 00:08:09,270 For no reason, they're just on. Wasting energy, wasting money. 144 00:08:09,444 --> 00:08:13,193 So I get on my bike, and I'm riding home as fast as I can. 145 00:08:13,365 --> 00:08:15,025 I've got to beat my mom home, right? 146 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:18,154 I get home, slam on the coaster brakes, throw the bike down... 147 00:08:18,328 --> 00:08:20,321 ...I look up, the lights are still on. 148 00:08:20,497 --> 00:08:23,036 I also see my mom's home. I figure she hasn't noticed. 149 00:08:23,209 --> 00:08:24,833 I go into my pocket for a key... 150 00:08:25,002 --> 00:08:28,336 ...I figure I'll sneak in, turn the lights off, and I'll be safe. 151 00:08:28,506 --> 00:08:31,080 I go in my pocket, and there is no key. 152 00:08:31,259 --> 00:08:33,548 Which means I gotta ring the doorbell... 153 00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,630 ...which means my mom has to answer it... 154 00:08:35,806 --> 00:08:37,929 ...she'll go by my room, see my lights on... 155 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:41,884 ...and realize I am not her son. Must have been some mix-up at the hospital. 156 00:08:42,229 --> 00:08:44,103 This is a riveting story. 157 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:48,265 Anyway, I press the doorbell, and it goes "ding. " 158 00:08:50,405 --> 00:08:52,398 Is that it? That's the story? 159 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:55,065 Get it? Normally, our doorbell goes "ding-dong. " 160 00:08:55,244 --> 00:08:59,408 This time, it just went "ding. " I heard it go "ding," and I turn around and look... 161 00:08:59,582 --> 00:09:02,037 ...and all the lights on my block go out. 162 00:09:02,210 --> 00:09:06,919 I did it. Overloaded the whole system because I left my lights in my room on. 163 00:09:07,507 --> 00:09:09,167 I never told that story to anybody. 164 00:09:09,384 --> 00:09:10,759 I wonder why. 165 00:09:10,927 --> 00:09:13,549 So now, whenever I see a button- 166 00:09:13,722 --> 00:09:16,296 Press it! Put me out of my misery and press it. 167 00:09:19,437 --> 00:09:22,604 - My kind of button. All right. - Can we leave now? 168 00:09:22,774 --> 00:09:25,858 Nice. Firm. Takes me back to my days at San Quentin. 169 00:09:27,779 --> 00:09:29,108 It's a joke. 170 00:09:29,281 --> 00:09:32,365 - Come here, give it a test ride. - I'll take your word for it. 171 00:09:32,534 --> 00:09:33,863 - Maddie. - David. 172 00:09:34,036 --> 00:09:35,945 - Know what your problem is? - Tell me. 173 00:09:36,121 --> 00:09:38,791 - You're just not spontaneous. - You're right, let's go. 174 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,992 Come here. Come sit by me. 175 00:09:43,463 --> 00:09:45,752 - Why? - Because we're here... 176 00:09:45,924 --> 00:09:48,711 ...on a private train, with a nice bed... 177 00:09:48,885 --> 00:09:50,712 ...and carpeting on the walls. 178 00:09:50,888 --> 00:09:54,387 Besides, I asked nice. I'd do it for you. 179 00:09:55,726 --> 00:09:58,680 - And then we can go? - Then we can leave. 180 00:10:04,319 --> 00:10:06,644 There now, see? 181 00:10:06,822 --> 00:10:09,739 - That didn't hurt a bit, did it? - No. 182 00:10:10,742 --> 00:10:12,700 It must have been something back then... 183 00:10:12,870 --> 00:10:15,705 ...travelling across the country by train... 184 00:10:15,873 --> 00:10:20,037 ...listening to the clickety-clack as the train rumbled through the heartland. 185 00:10:21,004 --> 00:10:24,040 Every passenger's face a mystery. 186 00:10:24,215 --> 00:10:27,667 Every car, filled with the possibility of intrigue... 187 00:10:27,844 --> 00:10:32,258 - ... danger, romance. - Do tell. 188 00:10:32,433 --> 00:10:34,805 Incredible meals served on fine linen. 189 00:10:34,977 --> 00:10:38,477 Drinks sipped as the train cut through the twilight. 190 00:10:38,648 --> 00:10:41,934 - Twilight? - Twilight. 191 00:10:42,110 --> 00:10:43,521 Do you feel something? 192 00:10:43,695 --> 00:10:45,902 My nail file pressed up against your ribs. 193 00:10:46,365 --> 00:10:51,525 Good golly, it's almost sunrise here on the old Addison Flyer. 194 00:10:51,704 --> 00:10:53,032 - Addison? - Wrong button. 195 00:10:53,247 --> 00:10:55,287 - Addison, do something. - What? 196 00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:57,581 - Do something! - What? 197 00:10:57,752 --> 00:10:59,828 - You did this on purpose. - No, I didn't. 198 00:11:00,004 --> 00:11:01,380 - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't. 199 00:11:01,548 --> 00:11:03,671 Yes, you did. Yes, you did. 200 00:11:06,178 --> 00:11:07,886 Miss. 201 00:11:10,683 --> 00:11:12,676 Are you talking to me? 202 00:11:12,852 --> 00:11:15,177 You must be J.B.'s guest. 203 00:11:15,355 --> 00:11:17,478 His murder train's the best. 204 00:11:17,899 --> 00:11:21,767 Rodney's the name, solving mysteries my game. 205 00:11:21,945 --> 00:11:24,615 Even if they're only in jest. 206 00:11:28,744 --> 00:11:30,404 My name is Agnes. 207 00:11:30,579 --> 00:11:33,913 But my friends call me Miss DiPesto. 208 00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:37,666 Hello, Miss DiPesto. 209 00:11:47,097 --> 00:11:48,971 The train is moving. 210 00:11:49,141 --> 00:11:50,684 I better get back to my room. 211 00:11:50,852 --> 00:11:52,725 Why? 212 00:11:52,895 --> 00:11:54,769 I don't know. 213 00:11:56,191 --> 00:11:58,018 Excuse me. 214 00:12:20,342 --> 00:12:23,260 - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't. 215 00:12:23,429 --> 00:12:25,836 - Yes, you did. - No, I didn't. 216 00:12:26,015 --> 00:12:27,343 - Yes, you did! - No, I didn't. 217 00:12:27,516 --> 00:12:29,094 - Yes, you did! - No, I didn't. 218 00:12:29,519 --> 00:12:30,550 - You did! - I didn't. 219 00:12:31,062 --> 00:12:33,980 - Hello? - Miss DiPesto! 220 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,025 Grandma? 221 00:12:37,194 --> 00:12:39,186 - No, it's Maddie. - And David. 222 00:12:39,363 --> 00:12:41,936 We're in the bed in the wall. 223 00:12:42,116 --> 00:12:43,444 Do you want me to leave? 224 00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:45,575 No, press the button and get us out. 225 00:12:45,745 --> 00:12:47,619 Button? 226 00:12:47,789 --> 00:12:49,781 - Oh, the button. - The button. 227 00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:00,296 Was it good for you too? 228 00:13:00,469 --> 00:13:05,048 She made me do it. I didn't want to do it. I didn't feel we were ready. 229 00:13:06,350 --> 00:13:07,761 - We're moving. - Do we have to? 230 00:13:07,935 --> 00:13:09,513 All my friends go to this school. 231 00:13:09,687 --> 00:13:12,392 - This train is moving! - Land of Goshen, she's right. 232 00:13:12,566 --> 00:13:15,235 You better figure out a way to get me off this train. 233 00:13:15,402 --> 00:13:17,359 I will gladly get you off this train. 234 00:13:17,529 --> 00:13:19,736 I will throw you off this train if necessary... 235 00:13:19,907 --> 00:13:23,525 ...but kindly refrain from physical acts that are not of an erotic nature. 236 00:13:23,703 --> 00:13:25,909 This is not my fault. 237 00:13:29,042 --> 00:13:30,999 I was not born yesterday! 238 00:13:31,169 --> 00:13:33,458 It's true, I had lunch with her yesterday. 239 00:13:33,672 --> 00:13:35,878 Well, maybe if we all just sat down- 240 00:13:42,223 --> 00:13:44,299 Maddie. 241 00:13:49,981 --> 00:13:53,018 Does anyone know who I can talk to about stopping the train? 242 00:13:54,695 --> 00:13:56,853 Stop this... 243 00:13:57,823 --> 00:13:59,982 ...train? 244 00:14:02,870 --> 00:14:05,575 The J.B. Harland Murder Train? 245 00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:09,707 The engineer is locked in the engine room. 246 00:14:09,878 --> 00:14:12,120 This train isn't going to stop for 24 hours. 247 00:14:12,297 --> 00:14:15,583 - Twenty-four hours? - No need to panic. 248 00:14:15,759 --> 00:14:17,337 We've been waiting for you. 249 00:14:17,511 --> 00:14:20,181 My name is J.B. Harland. 250 00:14:20,348 --> 00:14:21,925 As you all know... 251 00:14:22,100 --> 00:14:24,887 ...each year, I select one reader... 252 00:14:25,061 --> 00:14:28,062 ...from Murder Mystery Magazine to join us on our little trip. 253 00:14:28,231 --> 00:14:30,224 This year, the special guest is Agnes- 254 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:33,271 - Maddie Hayes. - You're Maddie Hayes, aren't you? 255 00:14:33,445 --> 00:14:35,853 Janet, you're mistaken. This lady's name is- 256 00:14:36,031 --> 00:14:37,775 Maddie Hayes. 257 00:14:37,950 --> 00:14:42,696 - You're not Agnes DiPesto? - No, I am. 258 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,207 - But you're the one in the picture. - What picture? 259 00:14:50,172 --> 00:14:52,129 See, that's me. 260 00:14:52,299 --> 00:14:54,256 David, this is cute, of all of us. 261 00:14:56,053 --> 00:14:57,512 Not too shabby. 262 00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:00,171 I could use a copy of this myself. 263 00:15:01,559 --> 00:15:03,635 You're not Miss DiPesto? 264 00:15:10,486 --> 00:15:13,689 - Then who are you? - They're detectives. 265 00:15:13,864 --> 00:15:15,691 Partners at the agency where I work. 266 00:15:15,908 --> 00:15:18,613 They were seeing me off and got stuck on the train. 267 00:15:18,786 --> 00:15:23,365 You mean you're both authentic private eyes? I don't believe it. I- 268 00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:25,459 Excuse me. 269 00:15:25,627 --> 00:15:29,246 Are you just going to glare at them, or are you gonna invite them to stay? 270 00:15:29,423 --> 00:15:30,917 That wouldn't work at all. 271 00:15:31,091 --> 00:15:35,006 J.B. has written this mystery with six players in mind. 272 00:15:35,179 --> 00:15:38,299 Besides, there are only six sleeping compartments. 273 00:15:39,309 --> 00:15:42,061 Don't take this the wrong way, but if it's all the same... 274 00:15:42,228 --> 00:15:43,806 ...I'd like to get off the train. 275 00:15:44,022 --> 00:15:46,727 - Off the train? - I didn't pack. 276 00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:48,893 It's a come-as-you-are murder, right? 277 00:15:49,069 --> 00:15:51,358 You wouldn't even have to stop, just slow down. 278 00:15:51,572 --> 00:15:54,110 No, as I explained, that isn't possible. 279 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:56,989 - Rodney. - Yes? 280 00:15:57,161 --> 00:15:59,368 Let's get some accommodations for our guests. 281 00:15:59,539 --> 00:16:02,908 - Right, J.B. - Then it's settled. 282 00:16:03,085 --> 00:16:06,620 This is going to be a fascinating 24 hours. 283 00:16:07,506 --> 00:16:10,044 I'll leave you all to go about your business. 284 00:16:10,217 --> 00:16:14,132 Tonight, somewhere on this train, a murder will occur. 285 00:16:14,305 --> 00:16:16,214 Until then... 286 00:16:16,391 --> 00:16:19,226 ...cherish your peace of mind. 287 00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:37,831 - Not bad for a Saturday night. - I'm not speaking to you. 288 00:16:37,998 --> 00:16:41,746 I did not get us shanghaied on this train on purpose. As long as we're- 289 00:16:41,918 --> 00:16:44,125 There's no "we're. " There is me. There is you. 290 00:16:44,296 --> 00:16:46,205 You're here, let's make the best of it. 291 00:16:46,382 --> 00:16:49,383 Make the best of it for both of us. I'd rather be alone. 292 00:16:49,552 --> 00:16:50,880 - Fine. - Fine. 293 00:16:51,053 --> 00:16:53,093 - Okay. - Okay, fine. 294 00:16:59,563 --> 00:17:02,350 Mystery train, mystery meat. My favourite. 295 00:17:02,524 --> 00:17:05,858 - You're really a detective? - Real as they get. 296 00:17:06,028 --> 00:17:07,902 David Addison. 297 00:17:08,990 --> 00:17:13,319 David. That's a good name. It's easy to put on cakes. 298 00:17:13,495 --> 00:17:15,119 Sebastian Rhodes here. 299 00:17:15,288 --> 00:17:16,830 I'm a baker. 300 00:17:16,998 --> 00:17:18,991 I'm a chef too... 301 00:17:19,167 --> 00:17:22,334 ...but I specialize in cakes and breads... 302 00:17:22,504 --> 00:17:24,248 ...and mysteries. 303 00:17:24,423 --> 00:17:28,042 I sure am glad J.B. decided to let you stay. 304 00:17:30,054 --> 00:17:32,546 It's gonna be a lot of fun... 305 00:17:32,724 --> 00:17:35,345 ...having real private eyes to play against. 306 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:38,016 Yeah, I know, I can hardly stand the excitement. 307 00:17:39,064 --> 00:17:40,938 - I hope you understand. - Excuse me? 308 00:17:41,108 --> 00:17:44,228 Don't think I was campaigning to have you removed from the train. 309 00:17:44,403 --> 00:17:47,607 It's just that J.B. labours a month or more on these mysteries... 310 00:17:47,782 --> 00:17:51,732 ...and extra bodies, live ones, could throw the whole thing out of whack. 311 00:17:51,953 --> 00:17:54,907 There's no place I'd rather be less than on this train. 312 00:17:55,290 --> 00:17:58,706 You won't believe it, but you and I almost worked together. 313 00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:01,119 I own Magic Night, the perfume company. 314 00:18:01,297 --> 00:18:03,918 - I was up for the- - The Magic Night Girl. 315 00:18:04,091 --> 00:18:08,089 At one point, our house- J.B. and I used to own a home together. 316 00:18:08,263 --> 00:18:11,466 We used to live together, that's what I'm trying to say. 317 00:18:11,641 --> 00:18:14,892 I had pictures of you all over my house, trying to make up my mind. 318 00:18:15,479 --> 00:18:19,311 But I contemplated too long and Blue Moon Shampoo got you first. 319 00:18:19,483 --> 00:18:23,612 - So you and J.B. Harland aren't-? - No, not anymore. Not really. 320 00:18:23,779 --> 00:18:25,606 We now own two homes together... 321 00:18:25,782 --> 00:18:28,617 ...and he makes a point to be in the one that I'm not. 322 00:18:28,827 --> 00:18:32,445 - I'm sorry. - Don't be, I'm happy. 323 00:18:32,622 --> 00:18:34,330 Besides, I had my chance. 324 00:18:34,833 --> 00:18:38,452 One night, about seven years ago, on one of these mysteries, in fact... 325 00:18:38,629 --> 00:18:41,547 ...J.B. was whacked out of his mind on Courvoisier. 326 00:18:41,716 --> 00:18:43,625 He asked me to marry him... 327 00:18:43,801 --> 00:18:46,506 ...but I was greedy and stupid. 328 00:18:46,679 --> 00:18:49,597 I wanted a sober proposal. 329 00:18:50,183 --> 00:18:53,184 I've finally stopped waiting. 330 00:18:53,353 --> 00:18:56,390 Well, enjoy the murder, Maddie. 331 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,776 - Hello. - Come in. 332 00:19:14,710 --> 00:19:16,537 All this is yours? 333 00:19:16,712 --> 00:19:19,464 This is nothing. You should see my apartment. 334 00:19:19,632 --> 00:19:20,960 I should? 335 00:19:21,676 --> 00:19:23,965 No, I didn't mean "should" like you had to. 336 00:19:24,137 --> 00:19:26,260 - I meant "should" like you could. - Of course. 337 00:19:26,431 --> 00:19:29,385 - I mean, if you wanted to. - Of course. 338 00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:33,687 That was a wonderful essay you wrote on J.B. 339 00:19:33,856 --> 00:19:35,184 It meant a lot to him. 340 00:19:35,357 --> 00:19:38,727 It was all true. He's a genius. I've been reading his books for years. 341 00:19:38,903 --> 00:19:42,023 Really? Which one's your favourite? 342 00:19:44,117 --> 00:19:46,276 That's not easy. 343 00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,161 I guess it would be Death Extension. 344 00:19:48,330 --> 00:19:52,079 I couldn't put it down. That stuff with the light switch was brilliant. 345 00:19:52,251 --> 00:19:55,585 That was a little idea that came to me during the blackout. 346 00:19:55,755 --> 00:19:57,582 The city, not me. 347 00:19:57,757 --> 00:19:59,465 That was your idea? 348 00:19:59,634 --> 00:20:03,798 Yes. I work as a technical adviser for J.B. 349 00:20:03,972 --> 00:20:06,380 I'm a forensic specialist. 350 00:20:06,558 --> 00:20:09,595 That's kind of like a murder-and-clue man. 351 00:20:09,812 --> 00:20:11,685 J.B. will call me at 2 in the morning... 352 00:20:11,855 --> 00:20:14,347 ...and ask if you can trace fingerprints on Jell-O... 353 00:20:14,525 --> 00:20:16,434 ...stuff like that. 354 00:20:16,986 --> 00:20:22,443 Actually, I'm working on a little story of my own right now. 355 00:20:22,617 --> 00:20:26,532 J.B. has been very encouraging. A mentor, really. 356 00:20:26,705 --> 00:20:28,994 A wonderful man. 357 00:20:32,211 --> 00:20:33,955 What's that? 358 00:20:34,338 --> 00:20:36,331 It's called a Bunsen burner. 359 00:20:36,507 --> 00:20:39,295 Very lively, very lethal. 360 00:20:39,469 --> 00:20:41,592 Miss DiPesto. 361 00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:49,480 Here's to a beautiful woman... 362 00:20:49,647 --> 00:20:52,220 ...a good murder... 363 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,235 ...and the man who brought us all together... 364 00:20:55,403 --> 00:20:57,811 ...J.B. Harland. 365 00:21:01,076 --> 00:21:03,318 I know you're not speaking to me... 366 00:21:03,495 --> 00:21:05,488 ...but you gotta admit... 367 00:21:06,123 --> 00:21:08,579 ...this train, this night... 368 00:21:08,751 --> 00:21:10,578 ...pretty romantic. 369 00:21:11,045 --> 00:21:13,038 Haven't you ever had a fantasy like this? 370 00:21:13,214 --> 00:21:15,456 About a night like this, on a train like this? 371 00:21:15,633 --> 00:21:19,252 Yep. Only none of these people were in it, including you. 372 00:21:19,429 --> 00:21:21,089 I love it when you talk mean to me. 373 00:21:21,264 --> 00:21:23,934 So when is this stupid murder supposed to happen, anyway? 374 00:21:28,522 --> 00:21:31,096 Now, I've heard that scream before. 375 00:21:40,494 --> 00:21:41,869 I think he's dead. 376 00:21:45,207 --> 00:21:47,877 You don't want to sleep here tonight. 377 00:21:55,719 --> 00:21:57,261 Perhaps it was something he ate. 378 00:21:57,429 --> 00:21:59,635 Maybe it's the mystery. Maybe he's faking. 379 00:21:59,806 --> 00:22:02,476 Don't touch that man. You don't know where he's been. 380 00:22:06,439 --> 00:22:07,767 Pretty dead. 381 00:22:07,940 --> 00:22:10,562 This has got to be some incredible, amazing, sick joke. 382 00:22:10,735 --> 00:22:12,644 Talk about life imitating art. 383 00:22:12,821 --> 00:22:17,364 Art? Don't make me laugh. What we've got here is life imitating trash. 384 00:22:17,534 --> 00:22:19,361 Wanna bet his tongue catches flies? 385 00:22:19,536 --> 00:22:22,490 How about a little respect for the dead? 386 00:22:22,665 --> 00:22:24,373 I respect you, Rodney. 387 00:22:24,542 --> 00:22:27,958 I don't believe you people. J.B. is lying here dead... 388 00:22:28,129 --> 00:22:30,702 ...and you're trading quips. 389 00:22:30,882 --> 00:22:32,542 What would you like us to do? 390 00:22:32,717 --> 00:22:34,675 For one thing, we could stop this train. 391 00:22:34,845 --> 00:22:38,712 Not possible. It can't be done. In '77, when I was passing that kidney stone- 392 00:22:39,141 --> 00:22:41,347 Sebastian, please spare us. 393 00:22:41,518 --> 00:22:43,179 What are we going to do? 394 00:22:43,354 --> 00:22:45,892 J.B. is dead. 395 00:22:46,065 --> 00:22:49,933 And it would seem one of us killed him. 396 00:22:51,362 --> 00:22:53,320 I have an idea. 397 00:22:55,033 --> 00:22:57,738 For 15 years... 398 00:22:57,911 --> 00:23:00,747 ...we've been gathering together to solve a mystery... 399 00:23:00,915 --> 00:23:04,995 ...a mystery served up by J.B. 400 00:23:08,172 --> 00:23:11,838 This train is not stopping for another 22 hours, folks. 401 00:23:13,678 --> 00:23:15,422 I like it, I like it. 402 00:23:15,597 --> 00:23:19,132 Are you suggesting we turn J.B.'s death into a game? 403 00:23:19,310 --> 00:23:20,852 Somebody's already done that. 404 00:23:21,020 --> 00:23:22,395 I agree with Sebastian. 405 00:23:22,563 --> 00:23:25,683 We owe it to J.B. to solve this murder among ourselves. 406 00:23:25,858 --> 00:23:28,813 Besides, which would we rather hand over to the police... 407 00:23:28,987 --> 00:23:31,988 ...a dead body, or a live murderer? 408 00:23:32,157 --> 00:23:33,699 - This is sick. - And stupid. 409 00:23:33,867 --> 00:23:36,074 Aren't we giving the murderer a break here? 410 00:23:36,245 --> 00:23:38,783 How are we gonna be able to find the murderer... 411 00:23:38,956 --> 00:23:43,499 ...if he or she is free to tamper with the evidence or change the clues? 412 00:23:43,669 --> 00:23:46,161 She's right. You're all mystery experts. 413 00:23:46,339 --> 00:23:50,966 Whoever did it will have a dandy time watching you race down blind alleys. 414 00:23:51,136 --> 00:23:54,801 What you're saying is that we need someone to lead the investigation. 415 00:23:54,973 --> 00:23:57,844 Someone without a connection to J.B. 416 00:23:58,018 --> 00:23:59,561 Someone without a motive. 417 00:23:59,729 --> 00:24:01,852 - Someone without luggage. - I don't think- 418 00:24:02,023 --> 00:24:03,766 That's okay, you look good. 419 00:24:03,942 --> 00:24:05,981 So gang... 420 00:24:06,444 --> 00:24:09,860 ...let's figure out where to start. What we have is a dead body. 421 00:24:10,031 --> 00:24:11,692 Amazing observation. 422 00:24:11,909 --> 00:24:13,403 Without a murder weapon. 423 00:24:13,827 --> 00:24:18,573 Wouldn't the killer have taken the weapon and thrown it off the train? 424 00:24:18,791 --> 00:24:21,543 Good question, Agnes. No talking, Rodney. 425 00:24:21,711 --> 00:24:23,371 David. 426 00:24:23,546 --> 00:24:25,373 Oh, gee, already? 427 00:24:25,548 --> 00:24:29,083 - Is there a freezer on this train? - No, no, it's not that. It's- 428 00:24:33,432 --> 00:24:34,926 Magic Night. 429 00:24:35,100 --> 00:24:37,556 - He's covered with it. - Covered with it? 430 00:24:37,728 --> 00:24:41,311 How do you suppose he came to have your perfume all over him, Janet? 431 00:24:41,482 --> 00:24:43,060 How do you think? 432 00:24:43,234 --> 00:24:44,563 The mind reels. 433 00:24:44,736 --> 00:24:47,358 Sell it somewhere else, Miss McCall. 434 00:24:47,531 --> 00:24:51,280 The prom ended for you and J.B. years ago. 435 00:24:51,452 --> 00:24:54,369 What are you saying, that I killed him? 436 00:24:54,538 --> 00:24:57,872 I wonder if she didn't hide the murder weapon in her room. 437 00:24:58,042 --> 00:25:00,616 - In her room. - In my room? 438 00:25:00,795 --> 00:25:02,124 In your room. 439 00:25:03,757 --> 00:25:05,749 Let me at it. 440 00:25:07,177 --> 00:25:10,214 - It's gotta be somewhere in her room. - Leave no stone unturned. 441 00:25:10,389 --> 00:25:13,224 Why is everybody running? What are you people doing? 442 00:25:19,858 --> 00:25:22,100 Partner, why don't you and I search down here. 443 00:25:22,277 --> 00:25:23,937 Certainly. 444 00:25:25,948 --> 00:25:28,521 This isn't an investigation, it's an inquisition. 445 00:25:28,701 --> 00:25:30,029 Say that in English. 446 00:25:30,202 --> 00:25:32,409 These people are going to kill each other. 447 00:25:32,580 --> 00:25:33,860 - So? - So? 448 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,163 Don't you feel any responsibility for them? 449 00:25:36,334 --> 00:25:39,785 I didn't want to be on this train, and I feel responsibility for them. 450 00:25:39,963 --> 00:25:43,498 We can't let them just run around willy-nilly, making accusations. 451 00:25:43,675 --> 00:25:45,751 One of us has to keep them occupied... 452 00:25:45,928 --> 00:25:47,470 ...until this dumb train stops. 453 00:25:47,638 --> 00:25:49,761 - Why? - Why? 454 00:25:49,932 --> 00:25:53,052 Goodness, if don't you care about anyone else on this train... 455 00:25:53,227 --> 00:25:55,101 - ... what about DiPesto? - What about her? 456 00:25:55,271 --> 00:25:56,600 She's an innocent. 457 00:25:56,773 --> 00:25:59,015 Did you notice whose bed the body was left in? 458 00:25:59,192 --> 00:26:02,526 She can get hurt in the middle of this. Accusations, innuendoes. 459 00:26:02,696 --> 00:26:06,445 I know you. You'd never forgive yourself if something happened to her. 460 00:26:06,617 --> 00:26:10,615 Never? Never is a long time, Maddie. 461 00:26:14,667 --> 00:26:16,707 How cold and unfeeling do you think I am? 462 00:26:16,878 --> 00:26:19,452 Don't answer that. It's an essay question. 463 00:26:19,631 --> 00:26:21,423 Think about it for a minute. 464 00:26:21,591 --> 00:26:25,043 Now, let's go back down here to episode 88 of Dynasty... 465 00:26:25,220 --> 00:26:27,260 ...and see if things have calmed down. 466 00:26:27,431 --> 00:26:29,258 What are you doing? 467 00:26:29,433 --> 00:26:32,684 It doesn't make sense. Everybody knows that I love J.B. 468 00:26:32,854 --> 00:26:34,930 " Loved. " Past tense. 469 00:26:35,106 --> 00:26:36,435 Give me that. 470 00:26:36,608 --> 00:26:39,313 Skyler, Sebastian, Rodney, all of you... 471 00:26:39,486 --> 00:26:43,614 ...for the last time, I did not kill J.B. 472 00:26:43,782 --> 00:26:45,692 I admit that there were reasons. 473 00:26:45,868 --> 00:26:48,276 I'll admit there were times I would have liked to. 474 00:26:49,121 --> 00:26:52,123 It's easy to hate someone who swears undying love... 475 00:26:52,292 --> 00:26:56,455 ...and then ignores you when you get your first laugh line. 476 00:26:57,547 --> 00:27:00,085 The sad part is... 477 00:27:00,259 --> 00:27:03,379 ...that J.B. really loved me. 478 00:27:03,554 --> 00:27:06,175 And he would have realized that if only... 479 00:27:06,349 --> 00:27:07,677 If only... 480 00:27:07,850 --> 00:27:11,219 ...one of you fools hadn't killed him. 481 00:27:12,063 --> 00:27:15,349 What a convincing performance. I know I'm moved. 482 00:27:15,942 --> 00:27:17,734 Shut up! 483 00:27:18,403 --> 00:27:20,562 Shut up! I hate you! 484 00:27:20,739 --> 00:27:24,108 - I hate all men! Men are pigs! - Janet. 485 00:27:24,285 --> 00:27:28,199 You're pigs, because you don't know what it's like to be left. 486 00:27:28,372 --> 00:27:30,828 Men don't get left. 487 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,334 Women get left, like a toy that you're tired of... 488 00:27:34,504 --> 00:27:38,633 ...or like a car that doesn't go fast enough. 489 00:27:40,594 --> 00:27:44,295 Mr. Harland didn't leave you. Here you are aboard his murder train. 490 00:27:44,974 --> 00:27:49,435 I bullied him to get this invitation again. 491 00:27:49,604 --> 00:27:50,932 The only woman... 492 00:27:51,106 --> 00:27:55,400 ...that he was at all interested in on this train was you. 493 00:27:55,569 --> 00:27:58,238 Or, actually, you. 494 00:28:02,451 --> 00:28:07,279 I hated you, Mr. J.B. Jackass. 495 00:28:07,457 --> 00:28:09,117 Sounds like a confession to me. 496 00:28:09,292 --> 00:28:11,119 It is. 497 00:28:11,294 --> 00:28:13,501 I confess. 498 00:28:13,672 --> 00:28:15,665 I could have killed him. 499 00:28:16,633 --> 00:28:19,089 I even thought about it. 500 00:28:20,179 --> 00:28:22,006 But I didn't do it. 501 00:28:30,106 --> 00:28:32,432 I can't remember when I've had this much fun. 502 00:28:32,609 --> 00:28:34,566 You don't have to be Sherlock Holmes... 503 00:28:34,736 --> 00:28:38,070 ...to figure out that nerves are raw. Everybody is a little tired. 504 00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:40,529 Let's call a temporary truce and get some rest. 505 00:28:40,701 --> 00:28:42,908 We can meet again first thing in the morning. 506 00:28:43,079 --> 00:28:44,704 I think Miss Hayes is right. 507 00:28:44,872 --> 00:28:47,161 Rested minds are happy minds. 508 00:28:47,542 --> 00:28:50,496 - I suppose. - Perhaps. 509 00:28:50,670 --> 00:28:52,959 - Well... - I guess so. 510 00:28:53,131 --> 00:28:54,840 Count me in. 511 00:29:00,681 --> 00:29:03,007 Everybody okay? 512 00:29:03,184 --> 00:29:06,055 Sebastian, your foot is in my face. 513 00:29:06,229 --> 00:29:07,937 My foot is not in your face. 514 00:29:08,106 --> 00:29:11,310 I know it's impossible for you to see over that mound of flesh... 515 00:29:11,485 --> 00:29:15,862 ...between your neck and your knees, but trust me, your foot is in my face. 516 00:29:16,031 --> 00:29:18,273 - Good night, Miss DiPesto. - Good night, Rodney. 517 00:29:18,451 --> 00:29:20,657 - Good night, Miss Hayes. - Good night, Skyler. 518 00:29:20,828 --> 00:29:23,201 - Good night, Sebastian. - Good night, Janet. 519 00:29:23,373 --> 00:29:25,033 Good night, John Boy. 520 00:29:40,224 --> 00:29:43,060 I found it. I found the murder weapon. 521 00:29:43,228 --> 00:29:45,849 You found it? Where did you find it? 522 00:29:46,314 --> 00:29:49,648 In Skyler Cantrell's room, of course. 523 00:29:52,488 --> 00:29:55,240 David, there's still eight hours left of this train trip. 524 00:29:55,408 --> 00:29:57,614 How will you keep them from killing each other? 525 00:29:57,785 --> 00:29:59,908 I think you underestimate the sensitivity... 526 00:30:00,079 --> 00:30:02,618 ...and maturity of this group. They're not hysterical. 527 00:30:02,791 --> 00:30:04,166 Trust me, this will work out. 528 00:30:04,334 --> 00:30:05,663 - You sure? - Positive. 529 00:30:05,877 --> 00:30:10,670 I suspected Skyler all along. So I snuck in here this morning, and I found it. 530 00:30:10,841 --> 00:30:12,170 Here. 531 00:30:12,343 --> 00:30:14,466 - In this shaving kit. - Tough beard. 532 00:30:15,429 --> 00:30:20,555 She's trying to frame him. It's obvious. Skyler has no motive. 533 00:30:20,727 --> 00:30:23,396 No motive? He hated J.B. 534 00:30:23,563 --> 00:30:25,188 But I hate everyone. 535 00:30:25,357 --> 00:30:27,184 You had to get rid of him, didn't you? 536 00:30:28,444 --> 00:30:30,851 Talk about a mystery. I'm baffled. 537 00:30:31,030 --> 00:30:33,023 Aren't any of you curious as to how... 538 00:30:33,199 --> 00:30:36,034 ...Sky's back-breaking gambling debts suddenly disappeared? 539 00:30:36,202 --> 00:30:39,239 Do go on. I so enjoy seeing you make a fool of yourself. 540 00:30:39,414 --> 00:30:43,115 You were over your head, weren't you? Admit it, you were terrified. 541 00:30:43,293 --> 00:30:45,784 - I've slept better. - And what did you do? 542 00:30:45,963 --> 00:30:48,039 You went to J.B. for a loan, didn't you? 543 00:30:48,215 --> 00:30:50,967 - J.B. was my friend. - And what did your friend say? 544 00:30:51,135 --> 00:30:53,922 He laughed. He said no. 545 00:30:54,097 --> 00:30:58,095 He said he was going to enjoy seeing me squirm for a while. 546 00:30:58,268 --> 00:30:59,810 And what happened then? 547 00:30:59,978 --> 00:31:02,765 Why don't you tell them? You're such a gifted storyteller. 548 00:31:03,523 --> 00:31:08,767 Next thing I heard, your much beloved and much moneyed father died... 549 00:31:08,946 --> 00:31:10,524 ...of a coronary. 550 00:31:10,698 --> 00:31:13,652 In a slightly too-hot hot tub. 551 00:31:13,868 --> 00:31:16,739 But that's the way the victim died in J.B.'s last book. 552 00:31:16,913 --> 00:31:20,199 - How did you know that? - Rodney was J.B.'s technical adviser. 553 00:31:20,375 --> 00:31:22,415 He reviewed everything that J.B. wrote. 554 00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:24,462 Is that true, Skyler? 555 00:31:24,630 --> 00:31:26,254 Oh, yes. 556 00:31:26,423 --> 00:31:31,050 Except the once-lovely Miss McCall has her facts slightly bollixed up. 557 00:31:31,220 --> 00:31:33,842 My father passed away in May. 558 00:31:34,015 --> 00:31:37,349 Mr. Harland did not begin work on the book in question until July. 559 00:31:37,519 --> 00:31:42,015 I did not steal a method of death from him. He stole it from me. 560 00:31:42,191 --> 00:31:44,563 Are those dates correct, Rodney? 561 00:31:44,735 --> 00:31:46,360 Well, I don't know. 562 00:31:46,529 --> 00:31:50,064 But it's easily checked in the office after the train has stopped. 563 00:31:50,241 --> 00:31:52,150 Right, after the train has stopped... 564 00:31:52,327 --> 00:31:55,281 ...and Skyler's had a chance to flee with his inheritance. 565 00:31:55,455 --> 00:31:57,662 Isn't there some way to do something now? 566 00:31:57,833 --> 00:32:01,284 I mean, couldn't we fingerprint this thing or something? 567 00:32:01,462 --> 00:32:03,086 I have a dusting kit with me. 568 00:32:14,726 --> 00:32:16,055 Say, you're good at this. 569 00:32:16,228 --> 00:32:19,264 Most people tense up when you take the print, and it smears. 570 00:32:19,439 --> 00:32:20,768 Practice. 571 00:32:20,941 --> 00:32:22,519 How long have you been into this? 572 00:32:22,693 --> 00:32:25,065 Seems like you know your way around a petri dish. 573 00:32:25,237 --> 00:32:26,566 Gee, ever since I was a kid. 574 00:32:26,739 --> 00:32:30,108 You know, I got my first microscope when I was only this big. 575 00:32:30,952 --> 00:32:32,281 Index finger, please. 576 00:32:32,454 --> 00:32:34,493 And you work exclusively for J.B. Harland? 577 00:32:34,664 --> 00:32:36,953 Hired me right out of school. 578 00:32:37,125 --> 00:32:39,830 The truth is, I owe the world to J.B. 579 00:32:40,004 --> 00:32:42,958 He gave me a creative outlet, a purpose. 580 00:32:43,132 --> 00:32:45,967 I didn't even know I could write before I worked for him. 581 00:32:46,135 --> 00:32:49,836 We were researching death by injection for one of the short stories. 582 00:32:50,014 --> 00:32:53,965 I gave him a fact sheet: the various drugs, the various deaths. 583 00:32:54,144 --> 00:32:55,603 He threw it in my face. 584 00:32:55,771 --> 00:33:00,267 He said, " I don't want facts. I want a scene. I want drama. " 585 00:33:00,442 --> 00:33:02,352 That really hurt, you know. 586 00:33:03,362 --> 00:33:05,106 But I went back to my lab... 587 00:33:05,490 --> 00:33:08,063 ...and I found the drug... 588 00:33:08,243 --> 00:33:10,948 ...the poison that I thought would work the best. 589 00:33:11,121 --> 00:33:15,997 And I wrote out for him exactly how I thought the killer would use it: 590 00:33:16,168 --> 00:33:18,873 What it would look like, what he would say to his victim. 591 00:33:19,880 --> 00:33:23,415 Well, the next day, I gave it to him. 592 00:33:23,593 --> 00:33:25,253 He didn't say a word. 593 00:33:25,428 --> 00:33:29,177 But he used it, verbatim, in the book. 594 00:33:29,683 --> 00:33:33,515 Ever since then, he has been something of a mentor to me. 595 00:33:33,687 --> 00:33:35,976 - That gave you the bug, huh? - Yeah. 596 00:33:36,148 --> 00:33:40,193 Actually, I'm writing a novel of my own right now. 597 00:33:40,361 --> 00:33:42,021 Mystery? 598 00:33:42,447 --> 00:33:43,941 What else is there? 599 00:33:46,576 --> 00:33:48,284 You too, huh? 600 00:33:48,453 --> 00:33:50,280 Rodney strikes again. 601 00:33:50,455 --> 00:33:52,781 - What do you think of him, anyway? - Who? Rodney? 602 00:33:52,958 --> 00:33:56,908 - Do you think he's strange? - I've met stranger, I think. 603 00:33:57,087 --> 00:33:58,831 Why? Is something going on? 604 00:33:59,006 --> 00:34:00,880 Oh, no. Nothing is going on. 605 00:34:01,050 --> 00:34:04,751 - Maybe something should be going on. - Oh, gosh, I don't know. 606 00:34:04,929 --> 00:34:08,714 Miss Hayes, it may not show, but I've been around the block. 607 00:34:08,892 --> 00:34:12,012 You go around the block enough times, and you get scared. 608 00:34:12,187 --> 00:34:13,812 Everyone is scared, Agnes. 609 00:34:13,981 --> 00:34:15,559 Oh, come on, not you. 610 00:34:15,733 --> 00:34:18,568 Not me? Why not, because I was a model? 611 00:34:18,736 --> 00:34:22,355 You think I never cried myself to sleep because the phone didn't ring? 612 00:34:22,532 --> 00:34:25,023 Think I never fell in love at night to discover... 613 00:34:25,201 --> 00:34:26,612 ...I hated him during the day? 614 00:34:26,786 --> 00:34:30,737 Do you think I was never hurt? This smile, this is my scar tissue. 615 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:36,578 I've seen my fair share of blocks too. We're all scared, Agnes. 616 00:34:36,756 --> 00:34:40,421 But you can't let it stop you from getting where you have to go. 617 00:34:45,807 --> 00:34:47,681 Don't touch me, I'm sterile. 618 00:34:47,851 --> 00:34:50,223 Not that kind of sterile. 619 00:34:50,396 --> 00:34:53,231 You do good work, Rodney. I'm telling my friends about you. 620 00:34:53,399 --> 00:34:54,941 You're a funny man, Mr. Addison. 621 00:34:55,109 --> 00:34:56,438 It shows, huh? 622 00:34:56,611 --> 00:35:01,403 I used to worry about it. Then I read an article, said it was genetic. Later. 623 00:35:02,117 --> 00:35:04,655 - Mr. Addison? - Someone call my name? 624 00:35:04,828 --> 00:35:06,987 - Agnes DiPesto. - One of my favourite people. 625 00:35:07,164 --> 00:35:09,370 - Tell me about her. - What do you want to know? 626 00:35:09,541 --> 00:35:11,997 I don't know. Anything you want to tell me. 627 00:35:12,169 --> 00:35:15,704 I can't remember a woman ever having this effect on me before. 628 00:35:15,882 --> 00:35:19,251 Usually, it's love-them-and-leave-them Rodney. 629 00:35:19,427 --> 00:35:20,542 You know how women are. 630 00:35:20,720 --> 00:35:23,556 They find out you have a Ph. D. in chemical engineering... 631 00:35:23,723 --> 00:35:25,467 ...and they're all over you. 632 00:35:25,642 --> 00:35:29,427 But this, this is different. 633 00:35:29,605 --> 00:35:31,977 Is she everything I think she is? 634 00:35:32,149 --> 00:35:33,774 My opinion? 635 00:35:33,943 --> 00:35:37,526 The night before DiPesto was born, God went to a great party. 636 00:35:37,697 --> 00:35:41,481 Let me ask you one more question. And please, be honest. 637 00:35:41,660 --> 00:35:43,569 I like you, Addison. 638 00:35:43,745 --> 00:35:46,746 I'm not going after something I have no right to, am I? 639 00:35:46,915 --> 00:35:48,825 I don't follow. 640 00:35:51,212 --> 00:35:53,584 You were there first. 641 00:35:54,966 --> 00:35:56,674 I'm not gonna lie to you, Rodney. 642 00:35:56,843 --> 00:35:59,844 It hasn't been easy watching the sparks fly across the room. 643 00:36:00,013 --> 00:36:03,714 But can't argue with kismet, eh? 644 00:36:04,435 --> 00:36:06,926 That's big of you, Addison. Thanks. 645 00:36:07,104 --> 00:36:09,144 Just be on your best behaviour, young man. 646 00:36:09,315 --> 00:36:12,316 - She's a very special lady. - I will. 647 00:36:15,738 --> 00:36:17,778 - Talk to me. - Little over three hours left. 648 00:36:17,949 --> 00:36:19,278 - Ta-da! - Ta-da what? 649 00:36:19,451 --> 00:36:22,024 What could happen in three and a half hours? 650 00:36:22,204 --> 00:36:24,161 Old Rodney works fast. 651 00:36:24,331 --> 00:36:27,416 Mr. Addison, Miss Hayes, I found this. 652 00:36:27,585 --> 00:36:31,334 It was buried under some paper towels in the trash. 653 00:36:36,887 --> 00:36:40,137 All right, it's my shirt. But it's a phoney clue. 654 00:36:40,307 --> 00:36:42,596 Somebody planted it to make me look guilty. 655 00:36:42,768 --> 00:36:44,143 It's working. 656 00:36:44,311 --> 00:36:47,515 Well, I'm certainly glad Miss DiPesto found this. 657 00:36:47,690 --> 00:36:49,599 You're all so convinced I did it... 658 00:36:49,776 --> 00:36:54,105 ...I even started to believe I did it. But this is more plausible. 659 00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:59,239 Truth be told, I suspected Sebastian from the beginning. 660 00:36:59,411 --> 00:37:01,071 You did, huh? 661 00:37:01,246 --> 00:37:04,283 Absolutely. Sebastian never really was part of our group. 662 00:37:04,458 --> 00:37:07,329 He was a charity case. 663 00:37:07,503 --> 00:37:10,421 Everybody knows that J.B. liked to surround himself... 664 00:37:10,590 --> 00:37:12,049 ...with fawning admirers. 665 00:37:12,217 --> 00:37:14,969 And Sebastian fawns better than Bambi. 666 00:37:15,178 --> 00:37:16,589 Come on, Skyler. 667 00:37:18,932 --> 00:37:21,768 Why don't you say what you mean? 668 00:37:21,936 --> 00:37:23,596 You're jealous. 669 00:37:23,771 --> 00:37:25,930 You've always been jealous. 670 00:37:26,107 --> 00:37:29,772 Jealous of the- Of the deep friendship I had with J.B. 671 00:37:29,944 --> 00:37:31,273 My goodness. 672 00:37:31,446 --> 00:37:33,984 The fat has seeped into his brain... 673 00:37:34,157 --> 00:37:36,067 ...and is causing him to hallucinate. 674 00:37:36,243 --> 00:37:38,781 Come on, you know what I'm talking about. 675 00:37:39,788 --> 00:37:42,362 J.B. and I had something... 676 00:37:42,541 --> 00:37:44,036 ...very special. 677 00:37:44,210 --> 00:37:48,125 Please, I'm getting cavities just listening to this. 678 00:37:50,216 --> 00:37:52,008 I was J.B.'s friend. 679 00:37:53,428 --> 00:37:55,587 He loved me. 680 00:37:57,391 --> 00:37:58,969 He even... 681 00:37:59,143 --> 00:38:03,604 ...invited me, one time, to spend a weekend at his estate. 682 00:38:03,815 --> 00:38:05,772 And what happened when you got there? 683 00:38:06,109 --> 00:38:09,395 I don't know what you mean. I had a terrific time. 684 00:38:09,571 --> 00:38:10,899 Cooking. 685 00:38:11,072 --> 00:38:14,323 That's the only reason you were there. The reason he invited you. 686 00:38:14,493 --> 00:38:18,361 The only reason he gave you the time of day, Sebastian. 687 00:38:19,623 --> 00:38:22,079 - That's not true. - He was cheap. 688 00:38:22,251 --> 00:38:26,629 He wanted you up there to cook for the real guests... 689 00:38:26,798 --> 00:38:29,040 ...the ones he did care about. 690 00:38:29,593 --> 00:38:32,166 He pretended that you were the hired help. 691 00:38:32,346 --> 00:38:34,801 Pretended he didn't even know you. 692 00:38:35,015 --> 00:38:36,509 Admit it. 693 00:38:36,684 --> 00:38:38,308 He humiliated you. 694 00:38:38,477 --> 00:38:41,395 He used you the way he used everybody in his life. 695 00:38:41,939 --> 00:38:44,857 And that's why he invited you up to his estate... 696 00:38:45,026 --> 00:38:49,107 ...and that's why he kept inviting you on this train trip. 697 00:38:50,657 --> 00:38:52,365 To cook. 698 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:08,129 I'm so hungry. 699 00:39:08,301 --> 00:39:10,590 How can you think of food at a time like this? 700 00:39:10,762 --> 00:39:12,091 He concentrates. 701 00:39:12,264 --> 00:39:15,680 I could go for a nice glazed ham... 702 00:39:15,851 --> 00:39:17,974 ...some baby yams... 703 00:39:18,145 --> 00:39:20,055 ...and peas. 704 00:39:20,273 --> 00:39:21,601 When I was little... 705 00:39:21,774 --> 00:39:24,776 ...I felt like I had to eat every single pea on my plate... 706 00:39:24,945 --> 00:39:29,523 ...because I hated the idea of one little pea being separated from his family. 707 00:39:29,700 --> 00:39:31,159 You know what I used to do? 708 00:39:31,326 --> 00:39:34,032 I used to slice them in half and see if they'd scream. 709 00:39:37,416 --> 00:39:42,162 Fifteen minutes more. Just 15 minutes more. 710 00:40:04,821 --> 00:40:06,529 Well... 711 00:40:06,698 --> 00:40:09,984 ...the fingerprints came up clear as a bell. 712 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:13,446 - There were even traces of blood. - Thank God for fingerprints. 713 00:40:13,623 --> 00:40:16,624 Well, come on, Rodney, out with it. Who's the culprit? 714 00:40:16,793 --> 00:40:17,872 - Who? - Who? 715 00:40:18,086 --> 00:40:20,921 - Who? - You. 716 00:40:22,632 --> 00:40:25,302 - Me? - You. 717 00:40:27,888 --> 00:40:29,217 My goose is really cooked. 718 00:40:29,390 --> 00:40:32,391 My nerves are really shook. J.B. is dead, it's on my head. 719 00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:34,054 - Life is such a rook. - Agnes. 720 00:40:34,228 --> 00:40:36,898 My prints are on the knife. It's going to cost my life. 721 00:40:37,065 --> 00:40:38,393 I'm gonna fry, I wanna cry. 722 00:40:38,566 --> 00:40:40,690 - Oh, why, oh, why, oh, why? - Agnes. 723 00:40:40,861 --> 00:40:43,482 Let's think a second. 724 00:40:47,993 --> 00:40:50,449 I'm sorry. I don't mean to disturb everyone... 725 00:40:50,621 --> 00:40:52,281 ...but what are we thinking about? 726 00:40:52,456 --> 00:40:55,623 - The murder, the clues, the details. - The number of a good lawyer. 727 00:40:55,793 --> 00:40:59,163 It's okay, you guys, you've done everything you can. 728 00:41:01,466 --> 00:41:03,459 Will you come and see me in the big house? 729 00:41:03,635 --> 00:41:05,343 - The big house? - I got it. 730 00:41:05,512 --> 00:41:07,422 - I know who our murderer is. - You do? 731 00:41:07,598 --> 00:41:09,923 I do. Get those knuckleheads in the club car. 732 00:41:10,101 --> 00:41:12,307 Yes, sir, Mr. Addison. I don't mind saying... 733 00:41:12,478 --> 00:41:14,970 ...that I was sure you would come up with the answer. 734 00:41:15,148 --> 00:41:16,559 Well, who is it? 735 00:41:16,733 --> 00:41:18,809 - It isn't you. And it isn't me. - Addison? 736 00:41:18,985 --> 00:41:20,859 - It isn't Miss DiPesto. - Who did it? 737 00:41:21,029 --> 00:41:23,865 And it can't be the butler, because J.B. didn't have one. 738 00:41:33,710 --> 00:41:36,462 I guess you're wondering why I called you all here. 739 00:41:36,630 --> 00:41:38,836 I always wanted to say that. 740 00:41:39,967 --> 00:41:41,377 I'm here to tell you... 741 00:41:41,552 --> 00:41:45,550 ...that our killer is in this room, and it is not Miss DiPesto. 742 00:41:45,723 --> 00:41:51,180 Isn't all this just so much smoke to hide the guilt of your secretary? 743 00:41:51,354 --> 00:41:52,979 All the evidence points to her. 744 00:41:53,148 --> 00:41:56,149 The body in her bed, the prints on the knife. 745 00:41:56,318 --> 00:41:58,524 The prints that so conveniently turned up... 746 00:41:58,695 --> 00:42:00,854 ...just as we were all tired and confused. 747 00:42:01,031 --> 00:42:03,190 Just as we were all ready to be convinced. 748 00:42:03,367 --> 00:42:04,909 What are you trying to imply? 749 00:42:05,077 --> 00:42:06,702 Don't get nervous, Rodney. 750 00:42:06,871 --> 00:42:09,789 Shouldn't you be put through the wringer like everyone else? 751 00:42:09,958 --> 00:42:11,333 Fine. Fine. 752 00:42:11,501 --> 00:42:14,336 But I want it made clear that I care as much... 753 00:42:14,504 --> 00:42:17,340 ...about Miss DiPesto as you do. 754 00:42:18,884 --> 00:42:20,877 You know... 755 00:42:21,053 --> 00:42:24,138 ...eight years is a long time to work for someone. 756 00:42:24,307 --> 00:42:26,595 Surprising that a man of Harland's influence... 757 00:42:26,768 --> 00:42:29,093 ...didn't help you publish your books earlier. 758 00:42:29,270 --> 00:42:31,808 Or did he publish your books? I mean, after all... 759 00:42:31,982 --> 00:42:36,062 ...you supplied the crimes, the clues, the solutions. 760 00:42:36,486 --> 00:42:37,945 If you had murdered him... 761 00:42:38,113 --> 00:42:40,604 ...you would have freed yourself from J.B. Harland... 762 00:42:40,783 --> 00:42:44,863 ...in a way that would prove once and for all that you were the clever one. 763 00:42:46,372 --> 00:42:47,783 It's pretty good. 764 00:42:47,957 --> 00:42:49,950 But you don't have a shred of evidence. 765 00:42:50,126 --> 00:42:52,166 But I do, and you gave it to me. 766 00:42:52,337 --> 00:42:56,252 I suspected the truth as soon as I saw the body in the berth. 767 00:42:58,135 --> 00:43:00,840 But I couldn't catch a smart guy like you, Rodney. 768 00:43:01,013 --> 00:43:03,053 So I had to let you catch yourself. 769 00:43:03,224 --> 00:43:05,929 You identified the prints on this as Miss DiPesto's. 770 00:43:06,102 --> 00:43:09,020 But they weren't there. I wiped them clean before you got it. 771 00:43:09,189 --> 00:43:11,016 The only prints on this were mine. 772 00:43:11,858 --> 00:43:14,231 But you didn't check, because you didn't have to. 773 00:43:14,403 --> 00:43:17,570 You knew no one in this room was in a position to challenge you. 774 00:43:18,699 --> 00:43:22,567 - Wanna know how I did that? - No, I'm wondering why you did that. 775 00:43:26,750 --> 00:43:29,288 I'm sorry it had to end this way, Miss DiPesto. 776 00:43:29,461 --> 00:43:30,920 I really liked you. 777 00:43:31,088 --> 00:43:33,875 Love is hard. 778 00:43:34,091 --> 00:43:37,258 Obviously, it would be in Miss DiPesto's best interests... 779 00:43:37,428 --> 00:43:39,670 ...if none of you tried to stop me. 780 00:43:42,642 --> 00:43:44,800 Wipe this clean. DiPesto's prints are on it. 781 00:43:44,978 --> 00:43:46,306 Addison! 782 00:43:51,443 --> 00:43:54,314 - David. - He disappeared. Check in here. 783 00:44:02,121 --> 00:44:03,782 David. 784 00:44:13,759 --> 00:44:15,384 - What are you doing? - Stay inside! 785 00:44:15,594 --> 00:44:17,053 Don't do that. Addison! 786 00:44:32,696 --> 00:44:34,404 I told you to stay inside. 787 00:44:34,615 --> 00:44:37,569 - I've enough to worry about here. - Addison, get back here! 788 00:44:37,744 --> 00:44:41,243 Get inside! Wait a minute! 789 00:44:41,915 --> 00:44:43,908 What are you doing? 790 00:44:44,084 --> 00:44:46,705 - I have to tell you, he's got a- - Gun! 791 00:44:46,920 --> 00:44:49,494 You don't know when to quit, do you, Addison? 792 00:44:49,673 --> 00:44:53,125 - Yes, I do. Let's go back down. - Just stay right where you are. 793 00:44:53,302 --> 00:44:56,303 I don't want to have to kill anyone else. 794 00:44:57,640 --> 00:44:59,384 Rodney, there's a tunnel coming! 795 00:45:00,393 --> 00:45:01,722 Sure there is. 796 00:45:01,937 --> 00:45:06,398 Rodney, if you turn into graffiti, you'll break Ms. DiPesto's heart. 797 00:45:06,567 --> 00:45:09,568 Why don't you just turn around and look? 798 00:45:10,070 --> 00:45:13,570 Rodney, I'm telling you, man, if you don't duck down right now... 799 00:45:13,741 --> 00:45:17,157 ...they're gonna find you between " Bob loves Mary" and "Jesus saves. " 800 00:45:17,704 --> 00:45:20,788 Look out! Rodney! 801 00:45:33,846 --> 00:45:36,598 It's okay, Maddie, you can open your eyes now. 802 00:45:36,766 --> 00:45:39,933 - Tell her she can open her eyes. - You can open your eyes. 803 00:45:40,103 --> 00:45:41,811 Pretty great-great, huh-huh? 804 00:45:41,980 --> 00:45:44,650 Pretty great-great, huh-huh. 805 00:46:03,670 --> 00:46:06,043 - Sorry to bother you. - No bother. 806 00:46:06,215 --> 00:46:08,255 It's awfully late for you to still be here. 807 00:46:08,426 --> 00:46:10,383 I know, but something's on my mind. 808 00:46:10,553 --> 00:46:12,795 I need to talk to someone, woman to woman. 809 00:46:12,972 --> 00:46:15,808 - Woman to woman? - Woman to woman. 810 00:46:15,975 --> 00:46:17,304 You may not have noticed... 811 00:46:17,477 --> 00:46:19,885 ...but during the J.B. Harland Murder Train trip... 812 00:46:20,063 --> 00:46:22,934 ...I began to develop a deep and meaningful relationship... 813 00:46:23,108 --> 00:46:24,768 - ... with Rodney- - Rodney Dillon. 814 00:46:24,944 --> 00:46:26,652 It showed. 815 00:46:27,071 --> 00:46:30,156 - I guess there's no hiding passion. - Guess not. 816 00:46:30,324 --> 00:46:32,198 Well, as I'm sure you're aware... 817 00:46:32,368 --> 00:46:35,204 ...his schedule is rather cluttered for the next 30 years. 818 00:46:35,372 --> 00:46:36,996 Twenty-two, with good behaviour. 819 00:46:37,165 --> 00:46:39,454 I recall hearing something to that effect. 820 00:46:39,626 --> 00:46:44,004 And what I was wondering was... 821 00:46:44,173 --> 00:46:46,415 - Well... - Yes? 822 00:46:46,592 --> 00:46:48,384 Twenty-two years is a long time. 823 00:46:48,553 --> 00:46:50,344 It certainly is. 824 00:46:50,513 --> 00:46:55,175 And according to Donahue, I'm at my physical and sexual peak... 825 00:46:58,689 --> 00:47:01,358 - ... right now. - Well, Donahue ought to know. 826 00:47:02,359 --> 00:47:05,859 You know the man who comes by to sell sandwiches in the morning? 827 00:47:06,030 --> 00:47:08,568 - Mr. Sandwich? - His name is Neil. 828 00:47:08,741 --> 00:47:11,992 He asked me to have dinner with him. Not just sandwiches either. 829 00:47:12,162 --> 00:47:14,570 - Hot food. - Hot food? 830 00:47:16,291 --> 00:47:18,035 Am I being fair to Rodney? 831 00:47:18,210 --> 00:47:21,045 - Well, he did try to frame you. - Yeah, I know. 832 00:47:21,213 --> 00:47:23,965 Besides, one meal does not a romance make. 833 00:47:24,175 --> 00:47:26,748 - Yeah, I know. - I'd go. 834 00:47:26,928 --> 00:47:28,967 - You would? - Yeah. 835 00:47:31,016 --> 00:47:35,144 It's not easy being a single woman in the 1980s, is it? 836 00:47:39,316 --> 00:47:40,692 Well... 837 00:47:41,235 --> 00:47:43,809 ...thanks for the advice. It was great-great. 838 00:47:43,988 --> 00:47:46,230 I guess I better go home and call Mr. Sandwich. 839 00:47:46,407 --> 00:47:49,029 - Good night, Agnes. - Don't you stay too late. 840 00:47:49,202 --> 00:47:50,994 I won't. 841 00:48:49,184 --> 00:48:51,260 Subtitles by SDl Media Group